Spitballing

I have nothing else ready to post.  I've been writing, but without focus.  Ive lost confidence in the Serial Trans idea.  I have four potential posts in various stages of completion but just no real confidence they're worth following through on.  A short while ago I had the idea to break from the norm and make posts as if this was a diary.  Well, here goes.

When I moved here in June my plan was to 'come out'.  I was going to present consistent with my internal conception of myself.  And I did.  Briefly.  Everywhere I went I presented as I wished.  However, there was always this nagging doubt.  Doubt that I could pass.  From the very first time I prepared to leave the house I was troubled by indecision.  What to wear?  On my way to Bart that first day I turned around and went home to change my footwear.  Soon, I was almost paralysed by indecision.  Once, I canceled an appointment at the LGBT Center because I could not bring myself to pass through the door.  And when I did go out 'presenting' I became more and more obsessed with the idea that I looked like a fool.  Then, one day about two months ago, I decided to guit.  It was a terrible day.  Friends of my landlady were over for some reason and I dressed to present.  There was five of us.  We talked for hours....

To be continued.  Later today hopefully.